Thursday, November 9, 2017

Enter Into It


Enter Into It

As an artist and writer I rely on my soul to guide my creations. I feel the soul opens windows in my mind that offer glimpses into a life I truly want to experience. I try to capture my soul's vision as best I can. You may watch an interview where I talk about this a bit more, here

The connection with my soul hasn’t always been clear enough for me to see the opportunities soul conceives for me to evolve. Obstacles such as insecurity about my writing or worrying if I’m on the right path with a particular art series when it isn’t selling, have obscured my confidence. 

With art, when I did feel on the same page as my soul, I felt transported for a little while, like I was in the flow of my purpose. Time stood still as I trusted the process of creation. I wasn't worried about outcome, I was in the moment. For a brief time, I transcended to a better place beyond the limiting dialogue in my mind. It felt like soul had invited me to suspend my normal ways of thinking to experience a different way to be.  But I couldn’t sustain the great feeling and confidence that came with that connection. 

I spent much of my time outside of creating art wondering, reading and researching how to be in that place of connection with soul all the time. I knew insecurity was holding me back, but how to change that? I asked my wise acupuncturist once how to be confident. She said, “Enter into it.”

This confused me more. And, it intrigued me. She is a person who I respect and admire. I couldn’t help but feel she experienced life the way I wanted to all the time—believing in myself and in my creations. But where exactly was the entrance? She had gently suggested meditation. I remember thinking, I'm a doer. I can't just sit there with nothing to do. 

Frustrated with myself, I finally began meditating early one morning. It was not without its challenges. For weeks I fell asleep before anything happened. I told my acupuncturist meditation was't working. She said, "Your mind is tired. Don't give up."

Then, as if it awakened from hibernation, my mind went into overdrive during meditation, like it had missed undermining me and needed to fill me in on all the ways I was lacking. It was having a fit about this new thing I was doing—ignoring it. It tried to convince me I wasn’t meant to meditate, I certainly wasn’t special like my acupuncturist. Who was I to think I could be confident like people I admired? I wasn’t worthy of peace—I’m a doer, I had more important things to do and I was definitely wasting my time. 

I pressed on because I had tiny moments like the ones I had when I was in the flow of creativity. I recognized something in there greater than my nagging thoughts, hanging out in the background of the incessant mind chatter. 

Little by little, there were breakthroughs as my mind quieted down. I learned to observe my thoughts and not believe the ones that made me feel insecure. Worry was not as consuming as it once was. 

Slowly I felt myself entering and occupying more and more of soul’s vast domain. This dark and quiet space felt more like me than anything I'd known before. 

Ironically, the dark feels like light within that has always been there guiding my reunion with my soul. Like my soul has been stoking the fire waiting for me to arrive so we can sit in the warm glow and just be.

In meditation I feel just right the way I am, even with my imperfections—not bad or a failure because insecurity has gotten the best of me at times. 

The more I meditate, I grow and understand I’m creating all the time, not just when I make art and when I write, but as I think too. By spending time with soul, soul gives me space—to see how my mind works and to go about gently steering it in new directions. I decide what to think. My heart guides my life. Intention informs my actions from one moment to the next. I accept responsibility for all of it. 

The art series, Deep and Wide (photos below), reflects windows in my mind soul has opened time and again that I may glimpse the next frontier in my evolution. It is always up to me whether I embrace the possibilities.


Deep and Wide


Heal


Seeing Things Differently

This latest piece, “Enter Into It,” (pictured at the top and in the detail photo below), reveals soul's guidance—what is within us reflects out into reality. 




When we embrace all that we are, we see our inner light reflected everywhere, in people and in our experiences. We realize everything is for us—to learn, to share, to grow in love for ourselves and others, to connect, to transform, to expand our possibilities, to enjoy. And, we are given the opportunity to exercise more creative control in our life as we accept who we really are. 

We receive the gift of realizing confidence was always ours. 

Today I know my vision matters. I share it because it might help someone. Insecurity has a hard time bringing me down because the connection with my soul is clear. 

  
I'm grateful for the role insecurity plays in my life. Without it I wouldn't have confidence and trust in myself.

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What Is Waking Up Inside of You?